I don't know about you, but I often find my brain gets into sewing gear the minute my head hits the pillow. I'll lie there and think of awesome pattern and fabric combinations, how to copy a dress I saw in a shop that day (I've gotten to the stage where I can de-construct a garment to its pattern pieces in my mind, yippee!), and all sorts of things that naturally disappear into the void as soon as I wake up.
Brains are fickle things, aren't they?
But I had a sewing dream the other night, and well, I had to share!
SCENE: Mama Gypsy's house in the countryside. JULIET is getting a cup of tea to get her through the sewing stress that is unpicking, when a red convertible pulls into the driveway. Who should step out but Steph of 3 hours past and Cake Patterns. JULIET stands there gawping as her brain tries to compute that a BIG sewing blogger is in front of her.
Steph: Oh, Hi. I'd like to do a sewing collaboration with you guys, can I come in?
Juliet and Mama Gypsy gasp and usher her in. Tea is offered and cake is magicked out of somewhere, and the three find themselves at the dining room table.
Juliet: So, um, Steph... what brings you here to us?
Steph: Oh, well, I wanted to do a collaboration, and I thought you might be interested. It's not exactly your standard project that I have in mind, and I'd like your input. Would you like to see?
Juliet and Mama Gypsy agree. Steph pulls out a thrifted knit top. It is a pale green colour, like pea soup. She also pulls out a length of carpet.
Steph: I want to make a hack of this top. I love the colour, but I really want to try to blend different materials into a garment, and I was thinking that we could use this carpet to make a peplum for the top. What do you think?
Mama Gypsy: That sounds like a great idea! I do like a good challenge.... Have you ever considered entering WOW Steph?
Juliet: Yeah, this should be interesting... sewing room time, perhaps?
In the sewing room pencils are brought out and discussions begin. Mama Gypsy and Steph natter about costruction and eventually settle on an idea. They cut the carpet and hand it to Juliet.
Mama Gyspy: Juliet, we need you to gather this carpet. Think you're up to the task?
Juliet: Um, sure. I'll figure out a way.
Juliet stands in front of the sewing machine, trying to figure out how to gather it. She knows her machine Betty won't like it, so she decided to be a wench and use Mama Gyspsies machine instead. She sews the gathering stitches and heads to the cutting table to pull it up. Naturally, the threads break. A comedic skit begins, with Juliet running back and forth from the sewing machine back to the cutting table, trying different threads, fishing line, string, all with the same effect.
Juliet: This $#%* carpet won't gather... but we need it to flounce! Hhhmmmm.... if it doesn't want to gather, I'll force it to flounce out in another manner!
Juliet cackles like the crazy demented dream Juliet that she is, and begins sewing pleats all along the waist section of the carpet. Steph and Mama Gypsy find her at the ironing board, ironing the carpet peplum to set the stitches.
Juliet: Well, it wasn't easy, and gathering wasn't going to happen, but I figured something out. SEE!
She displays the carpet proudly to show off her handiwork. Steph and Mama Gypsy ooohh and ahhhh appreciatively.
Steph: Wow, this is going to be so cool! Now we just need to figure out how we are going to attach the peplum to our top. This is going to be such a cool blog post, don't you think?
Mama Gypsy and Juliet agree, grinning like sewing loonies, because we really think it is an awesome little project.
Steph: well, I guess I'll just chop the top where the waist is, plus seam allowance.... hhmmm, Juliet, can you please put it on so I cut it in the right place?
Juliet: You sure you want to use me Steph? I have an awfully short torso. If you put it on I think it will work much better
Steph, eyeing Juliet's small bust-to-hip distance: Yeah, maybe we should....
Steph puts on the top and Mama Gypsy carefully marks the waist.
Mama Gypsy: OK, time to cut. Say a prayer everyone!
Steph and Juliet screw their eyes shut in prayer that nothing goes wrong.
Mama Gypsy: All done! Now, how are we going to attach this top to the peplum?
All look from the top, to the carpet peplum, to the top, carpet peplum, top, carpet peplum, top, carpet....
Steph: We could sew and then bind the raw edge? I'll give it a try...
Fast forward to the result: it's horrible. After tedious unpicking and furrowed brows, Mama Gypsy says: Let's try and overlock them together?
End result is serviceable. After admiring the top (oooh! The contrast! the texture! This is going to be so awesome!! etc), Juliet says what all were dreading:
Juliet: So, who's going to try it on? Steph?
Steph: Oh, I never even thought of that! How will we get it on?
Mama gypsy: Well, let's try and pull it over your head. If you get really stuck we can cut it off you, right?
Steph, a little unsure: Okayyyy, I guess?
The three sewists try their best to pull the top on, but the carpet has no give. Steph is left with a carpet peplum under her nose and arms jammed straight up in the air. Juliet and Mama Gypsy are half trying not to laugh and also trying not to cry. All can see the insanity of what they have just attempted to create, and now Steph is stuck in it.
Steph: Ok, bad idea. Can we just forget about this whole afternoon and never blog about it?
Juliet and Mama Gypsy, still trying to get the top on or off for easier cutting off of Steph, look at each other through Steph's vertically jammed arms, and say...
Because my damned alarm clock woke me up... sometimes I think our brains deliberately time the ending of good or particularly funny dreams to have the climax interrupted by the alarm clock.
Who knows what we would have said? Would we agree and never speak of it again? Would we be malicious and take photos? Would we be even worse and then post the photos? Who knows, but what I do know is this:
Steph, I am really, really sorry that my brain put you in such an absurd position, and also that it decided that you would think it a great idea to combine a cheap knit top from the Sallies with carpet.
Have you ever had a ridiculous sewing dream that makes you think, wtf?
What do you think we would have said to poor Steph??
Have you ever sewn carpet???